Manti Te'o, the Notre Dame linebacker whose dead girlfriend was discovered by Deadspin to not have ever existed, is very visibly on the market right now. Maybe he's looking to pick up the pieces of his shattered personal life by falling into the arms of another fake girlfriend? If so (and who wouldn't be?), may I suggest that he consults, a Brazilian web site that allows you to buy a fake Facebook girlfriend.

The web site offers four packages, as translated from Portugese into English by Google Translate: "Signifier," "Ex-girlfriend," "Girlfriend" and "Virtual Girlfriend." Here's what Te'o would get:

  • "Signifier" would run Te'o $10 for three comments and lasts for three days, just enough for his friends to believe that he once made contact with a Brazilian female.
  • "Ex-girlfriend" offers five comments across seven days for $19, maybe enough to convince people that he once had a one night stand... with a woman in Brazil.
  • "Girlfriend" offers 10 comments across those same seven days for $39, which isn't much of a girlfriend, but, hey, maybe he could make it work.
  • "Virtual girlfriend" will run him a cool $99 with 30 comments for 30 days. The upside here is a public relationship that does actually mimic real life, the downside is that at some point in his life he would have to disclose that he paid $99 for a fake girlfriend. The upside of that, though, is that it's still not as embarrassing as the story behind his first fake girlfriend.

As Tumblr user necktomace points out, all of those options are currently sold out, which means there are a lot less happy Brazilian men than you might think. Manti Te'o is currently an unhappy American man, who could spark up a new truism of online dating: Once you become a national news story for having a girlfriend that you said died of leukemia after being in a coma following a car crash but never actually existed, you never go back.

[via necktomace, image via Getty]