You Will Not Be Able to Escape the Worst Flu Season in 10 Years (Unless You Move to Connecticut)
How bad is this year's flu season? Here's a Google map that estimates how bad the flu is across the country based on aggregated Google search data. No matter where you live in the U.S., you're facing "intense" or "high" flu activity — unless you live in Connecticut, in which case you're only looking at "moderate" activity (but you're suffering enough).
Or maybe you just use Bing? Either way, you have the first non-UConn sports thing to be proud of in the history of Connecticut. And when the rest of us die, you and your income-disparate peers can rule the remains of the United States from the chilly towers of Hartford.
Because it's not just Google's data telling this story. "We are in for what looks like it's going to be one of the worst flu seasons in nine or 10 years," director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases Dr. Anthony Fauci told WTOP. Washington, Boston and Chicago are all being slammed with flu patients (in some places to such an extent that people are being turned away from hospitals), most suffering from the H3N2 strain of the virus, which has stronger symptoms and tends to last longer than other strains. And this is just anecdotal evidence, but I got the flu last week and I died.
The good news — if you haven't already gotten sick — is that this year's flu shot is widely available and well-matched to H3N2. (You can get one at most pharmacies, or make your own by killing a red chicken at the new moon and reciting certain lines of Aramaic.) Wash your hands a lot, avoid touching or kissing birds, and give mean looks to anyone on public transportation who coughs. And if you do have the flu, get plenty of rest, drink a lot of fluids, and complain loudly to everyone around you so that they understand how hard you have it. Or move to Connecticut.