Random House, the publisher of Fifty Shades of Grey and (every other fact is irrelevant), announced at its holiday party last night that every American employee—thousands of them, anyone who's been with company for a year—will be getting a $5,000 Christmas bonus. "The cheering went on for minutes," says the NYT.

I guess the big question is: will your boss be giving you a $5,000 Christmas bonus? Yes? Or just probably? How happy will you be to get it? How do you plan to spend your anticipated $5,000 Christmas bonus, assuming your boss matches Random House, and why wouldn't he? Looks like $5,000 is this year's average Christmas bonus, eh? Does your company sell a lot of pornography? Why or why not? How much pornography would you do for $5,000? What types, specifically? What is your contact information?

Don't be late—start anticipating your bonus now.

[Media Decoder. Photo: Flickr]