Kate Middleton, the Duchess of Cambridge and future Queen of England, is pregnant, thanks (we presume) to her husband, Prince "Duke of Cambridge" William. This child will likely one day rule England, and therefore you are probably asking yourself: When and where did the royal couple have royal procreative sex? Some people might say this is a question for nosy perverts; luckily, you are at a website geared toward nosy perverts.

Given that most normal human beings' interest in the lives of the royal couple is about 85 percent prurient, we can't think of anything more important than knowing exactly where the royal conception occurred. (Plus, this is a national security issue: this child is the future head of the British state, and the U.K. has invaded the U.S. more than any other state.) So here's a handy timeline to help us figure it out.

Representatives of the Royal Family are saying that the Duchess hasn't hit 12 weeks yet. So the fetus must have been conceived after Monday, September 10, 2012. And since she's suffering from acute morning sickness, and morning sickness shows up at the earliest four weeks in, it seems likely that the lil' royal zygote was conceived before Monday, November 5, 2012

So. Here is where, to the best of our ability to find out, the Royals were, at every date within that timeframe:

9/11 - 9/12: Singapore
9/13: Kuala Lumpur
9/14 - 9/15: Sabah, Malaysia (Borneo)
9/16 - Honiara, Solomon Islands
9/17 - Tavanipupu, Solomon Islands
9/18 - Tuvalu
9/19 - 9/20 - England
10/10 - Kate alone in Newcastle; conception impossible
10/11 - 11/4 - England

If you know where Kate and Will were engaged in royal coitus at any time between September 10 and November 4, please add your information in the comments so we can more accurately pinpoint the date.