In theory, cat people are easy to please. Just slap a wretched meowing illustration on a canvas tote bag and—voila—you have a present for your local cat freak. Buy them a kitten calendar and be assured they will secretly pet it everyday on the way out the door. Order a "humorous" catnip party-pack and receive the polite chuckle an herbal blend called Cat-Astrophy deserves.

But what about culturally astute people who adore their clawed cuddle buddies, but would shudder at the thought of a schmaltzy purr-themed suncatcher? People whose smart phones contain more photos of their feline roommates than their human friends, but really wouldn't put out a decorative pillow with a corny cat-nap joke? People whose furry companions still hang out in the Budweiser 30-pack box they emptied six months ago, and may or may not have posted a picture of this super-duper holy-adorable no-really-look-how-awesome-she-is oh-I-would-totally-say-this-even-if-she-wasn't-my-cat cuteness on Instagram? Asking for a friend.