As noted Ping Pong star and former Goldman Sachs executive director Greg Smith preps to release his tell-all Wall Street memoir, Why I Left Goldman Sachs, this Monday, the company's PR team has compiled a list of talking points to be used on first dates, PTA meetings, and cocktail parties.

The "Briefing Toolkit," which was sent out to employees and alumni — and published today by New York Magazine's Kevin Roose — offers helpful talking points for Goldman Sachs employees who may encounter dissenting opinions from those who have felt victimized, or pretty much anyone else who is not as incredibly rich as them.

Some of the completely specific and meaningful tips include:

  • Using the word client instead of muppet
  • Mentioning the novel creation of a "Business Standards Committee"
  • Insisting on the introduction of "new responsibilities," which are part of their new effort to be responsible
  • Bringing up the fact that CEO and rumored "air-dyer" Lloyd Blankfein has traveled around the world to speak about the importance of mupp—sorry, clients.
  • Implying that Smith should've spent less time playing ping pong, and more time giving his co-workers negative reviews.

No word on whether this memo will be distributed in the form of flash cards.

[NYM, photo via AP]