Do not keep a monkey as a pet.

Seriously. I know they're cute, but they're sort of like stronger, more erratic people, and they will totally bite you or tear your face off when the mood strikes.

A woman in Paso Robles learned that the hard way — they always do — when her pet macaque bit her several times on the arm and fingers. The woman was keeping her monkey illegally, and feeding it a diet of Frosted Flakes and juice.

Why is it significant that the macaque was eating Frosted Flakes? I don't know. I have to assume most if not all sugary cereals are a bad dietary choice for apes, but the repeated namechecking of Frosted Flakes suggests there is something especially abhorrent about that particular cereal.

I mean, it's not Cinnamon Toast Crunch. That's probably the biggest mark against it.

Eric Anderson, Animal Services Manager of the San Luis Obispo County Division of Animal Services, explained where this pet owner went wrong.

This kind of animal is never meant to be kept domestically. It is illegal. It lived on a diet including Frosted Flakes and juice. We strongly discourage the keeping of any such animal.

He then added, "And that is entirely the wrong kind of diet," because Frosted Flakes are the real issue here.

The macaque in question is currently quarantined with a conservation group, probably being treated for a Frosted Flakes addiction. (I guess Raisin Bran could be a kind of methadone in situations like these.)

And the owner is being investigated for unlawful protection of a restricted species. Feeding a macaque Frosted Flakes is not technically a crime, so she's really getting off easy.

[Image via Shutterstock]