Well then you'll just have to fire up your worm-hole generator and take a trip to one of the parallel universes wherein that sort of thing takes place.

If you're stuck in this crummy universe, take heart: You've still got master impressionist Josh Robert Thompson (AKA More Than Freeman) to turn to for a pitch-perfect replica.

Here, then, is Thompson doing Freeman reading from Fifty Shades Darker, the second book in the vagina-ball-promoting trilogy.

[H/T: Boing Boing]