Trend Alert: Take Pictures After You've Just Had Sex to Let Everyone Know That Sex Is Something You Have
For people who have sex, legit sex—under the shirt touching and everything—on the reg, there is nothing more frustrating than constantly having to explain to others that they are the type of person who has sex.
Now, you won't have to explain. You can let freak-nasty wedding photos do the talking for you.
For a while now, wedding photography has been creeping up ever earlier on the relationship timeline. Couples no longer just take pictures of the ceremony. They also take pictures following the engagement. Pictures of the engagement. Pictures of the engagement ring, in the store. Sonograms of themselves in their mother's bellies, waving goodbye to pre-birth singlehood.
The New York Daily News reports that the latest photography trend creeps the other way: pictures of The Morning After.
Sexy shoots featuring rumpled beds and steamy showers are a hot new trend within the wedding business. …[T]hese intimate photo shoots take place in newlyweds' bedrooms or even the hotels where they've spent their first night as husband and wife.
In other words, right after you and your new spouse have spent the evening passed out, too drunk or tired to have sex, you can spend the next morning trying to fool strangers into the believing you spent all night having sex.
The photographer will take pictures of you and your spouse steaming up a window, like you saw in Titanic. Standing with your underwear around your ankles, so that sex can occur. Inviting a shy, nervous bellhop to join your household of three.
They do it very sexy and implied.
"We do it very sexy and implied," said New Jersey-based photographer Michelle Jonné, 34, who charges about $650 for the service.
One woman who recently made use of the service told the Daily News she intends to share the photos with her children so they can see "their parents looking artistic." Because, if there's one thing kids love to see, it's naked photos of their artistic parents making a "shh!" sign.
If you don't have $650 to blow on tasteful photos of your and your spouse pretending you just finished banging in an anonymous hotel room, use your phone to take selfies, like everyone else. (Share them with your friends on instagram. They'll be interested to see you looking so artistic.)