Angry self sin-loathing heterosexual human sexuality sex columnist Andrea Peyser has long supported strong role models for young teenage girls of America who want nothing more than to lead a simple life involving simulated rape scenes with vampires within the confines of a traditional marriage. Well. Andrea has some very, very sad news to break to you, tween-age aspiring vampire fuckers: that movie Twilight was apparently not a documentary.

In a column full of even more throbbing sexual innuendo than a standard Andrea Peyser Hussy-Decrying Column, she breaks the news to all the young girls out there as gently as possible:

Stewart was blessed with a soaring (if whiny) presence. She posed as an intelligent, wholesome and virginal role model to 'tween and teen girls everywhere. For this was the one gal who saved herself for true love, and occasional bloody bruising, with the man haunting her dreams.

On screen and especially off, she was the picture of passion, devotion and fidelity.

It was all an act.

That's right, the vampire-fucking high school movie was AN ACT and all that the "female hussy - a selfish, home-wrecking bloodsucker" Kristen Stewart REALLY wanted to do was to fuck a non-vampire human old enough to be her DAD which was probably REALLY HOT, and unfortunate and condemnable, girls. Andrea Peyser is going to retreat to her room now. Or, as she calls it, "the scrumptious Taylor Lautner" (direct quote).