As any etiquette-obsessed caricature of a British person in a children's movie will tell you, British people are very fancy and also do not slurp your soup when you eat it.
But are British women wearing actual Louboutin heels as they totter to and fro, acting as our luxury maternity concierges, and hosting extravagant weddings for their lovely daughter Pandora? Or are those just a pair of tattered Old Navy flip-flops the soles of which these broads have shellacked red?
Wannabe Victoria Beckhams are buying red tester paint pots and painting the soles of their shoes to recreate iconic Louboutin heels on a budget.
Homebase, a British home improvement store, reports that sales of red shades like Duracoat's "Flame," "Showstopper," and "Desperate Try-Hard Whore" have jumped 40% since last year, due to the British public's insatiate desire to create their own Louboutins that are obviously not Louboutins.
One Maxxinista who speaks in such overly clear terms she must be descended from press-releases is quoted in the piece describing the process of making her own pair of haute couture Lou Buttons' shoes to wear to her cousin's wedding:
"I bought a £20 ($30) pair of plain black shoes and a tester pot and recreated the designer look at home. I carefully painted the soles, let them dry overnight, and by the next day they were ready to wear."
But why pay even $30 for a pair of pumps?
But why pay even $8.50 for a pair of pumps? If you scrounge one out of the trash, it's free.
But why even scrounge one out of the trash? If you just apply red paint directly to the soles of your feet, you're wearing Louboutins everywhere you go.
What's the best life improvement tip you've ever received from a British person?