All Those Beauty Products Are Making You Depressed
XO Jane went through a lot of serious drama when they had to part ways with dust-smoking suicidal narcissist downtown swinger beauty columnist Cat Marnell, after they had sucked every last car-wreck-in-action page view that they reasonably could from her while still maintaining a decent Caring Big Sister posture. But there's good news, desperate readers: XO Jane has an equally depressed suicidal beauty writer to serve as Marnell's spiritual successor.
The site's seamless transition is embodied in this post, "GREETINGS FROM THE RABBIT HOLE: Beauty Products For When Depression Eats You Alive," by associate beauty editor Hannah Johnson. Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "beauty is God's handwriting." Hannah Johnson is equally uplifting on the subject:
On any given day, I'm probably not happy. As I type this, I'm not happy. That's just who I am. I can't remember the last time I was happy, content even, for more than a few minutes, an hour. It's the lot I've been dealt, some spoiled DNA and a broken brain. Wah wah.
However, I love beauty, and I love writing. Even in the worst depths of my depression, I still manage to throw all natural bath powders and bubbly "soaks" into the tub and scrub myself with luxurious French exfoliants and lather up with jasmine scented shower gels.
Well look, it doesn't take a genius to see the pattern here: all that beauty shit is making you depressed. (Not to be brash, but this was an easy case to crack! Encyclopedia Brown over here!) I don't use one single god damn beauty product and I'm as happy as can be. Ugly, but happy.
Try it, ladies.