Anxious to harness the inchoate class rage of impotent computer-bound office-workers trapped in the endless parenthesis of alienation and soul-rot that characterizes die jüngste Entwicklung des Kapitalismus, the Times of Los Angeles and New York both rushed to Mitt Romney's East Hampton fundraiser this weekend in a quest to record the most horrible set of actual rich-people opinions that could possibly be expressed. But who won the battle of worst quote?

Here's a few choice morsels from the NYT:

A woman in a blue chiffon dress poked her head out of a black Range Rover here on Sunday afternoon and yelled to an aide to Mitt Romney. "Is there a V.I.P. entrance? We are V.I.P."


A few cars back, Ted Conklin, the owner of the American Hotel in Sag Harbor, long a favorite of the Hamptons' well-off and well-known, could barely contain his displeasure with Mr. Obama. "He is a socialist. His idea is find a problem that doesn't exist and get government to intervene," Mr. Conklin said from inside a gold Mercedes [LMAO - Ed.], as his wife, Carol Simmons, nodded in agreement.

Ms. Simmons paused to highlight what she said was her husband's generous spirit. "Tell them who's on your yacht this weekend! Tell him!"

Which is fantastic. But the LAT wins this one, I think, even though their "source" ("rich woman in car") refused to give her name:

A New York City donor a few cars back, who also would not give her name, said Romney needed to do a better job connecting. "I don't think the common person is getting it," she said from the passenger seat of a Range Rover stamped with East Hampton beach permits. "Nobody understands why Obama is hurting them.

"We've got the message," she added. "But my college kid, the baby sitters, the nails ladies — everybody who's got the right to vote — they don't understand what's going on. I just think if you're lower income — one, you're not as educated, two, they don't understand how it works, they don't understand how the systems work, they don't understand the impact."

Barack Obama's policies will be marginally more friendly to the vast majority of us but let's not forget that he's raising money from the exact same set of people, too. Because they certainly haven't:

The Zambrellis scoffed at attempts by the Democrats — who mocked Romney in an ad Sunday as "great for oil billionaires, bad for the middle class" — to wage class warfare. "Would you like to hear about the fundraisers I went to for him?" Sharon Zambrelli said of Obama. "Do you have an hour? ... All the ones in the city — it was all of Wall Street."

Anyway, I think my original point was, let's set East Hampton on fire.

[NYT, LAT, image via AP]