Perhaps you've heard that Facebook is going public this week in a massive IPO that values the company at over $100 billion. There's an apocalyptic air about the frenzy to be the first to invest in Facebook, as if this is the last chance we'll ever have to throw our money into an overhyped tech company stock. And here is a story that perfectly captures the dread and sadness I feel when confronted with so many people's boundless money-related optimism.

It's this CNN story about a retired IPO investor being pestered by his clueless buddies to help them invest in Facebook:

Facebook's initial public offering has been one of the hottest topics of conversation among seniors living in a retirement community in Boynton Beach, Fla., said 79-year-old resident Alvan Sweet.

Three of his retired friends — two former doctors and a business owner — have been badgering Sweet to help them secure shares. Facebook (FB) will officially price its shares Thursday night, and begin trading on the Nasdaq Friday morning under the ticker "FB."

Sweet says that his friends never cared about the IPOs he used to tell them about but now, "all of a sudden, they're very aggressively pushing me to do something to help them invest in the Facebook IPO." Please, forget Facebook and enjoy your last few years on Earth, old people.

At the other end of the age-spectrum, there's this guy who was only saved from investing his 11-year-old daughter's entire college fund into Facebook by the fact that the IPO price rose too high. This is seeming more and more like the world's biggest Publisher's Clearinghouse sweepstakes.