People with half a god damn brain in their heads not drugged to a stupor by that evil emotion "hope" have long understood that "anti-wrinkle creams" are bullshit. That, of course, has not stopped Americans from buying them by the truckload. We are a fundamentally dumb people. We must be protected from ourselves.

Here is "the thing" about skin creams and other fake mystery bullshit products that nevertheless cost outrageous sums of money: you don't know what's in them. You have no idea. You are not a chemist. You just read the label and buy that shit. If I was like, "buy my new skin cream full of anti-aging batpoopamismachemical, one hundred dollars per jar please," I would be a rich man, but I'm far too ethical for that. Ad Age reports that the FDA is preparing a new regulatory crackdown on the cosmetics industry, due to the fact that right now they are just doing whatever the hell they want and nobody even knows what that shit really does to you.

Increased use of extremely small particles (often erroneously trumpeted as "nanotechnology") may result in products or ingredients that work far differently than their conventional forebears, Mr. Landa said. The FDA is researching, for example, whether metal oxides used in topical cosmetics may penetrate the skin and become toxic when users are exposed to sunlight.

To sum up, neither you nor the government has any idea what all that shit in your skin cream does to you, but you will continue to buy it, even though you can't afford it, because you pine to regain a symbol of your lost youth, when times weren't so hard, when everything seemed simpler, when you were blessed with a dewy beauty that you only came to appreciate once it had given way to the ravages of time.

Just give up on being beautiful. You'll save yourself a few bucks.

[Ad Age. Photo: Vancouver Film School/ Flickr]