For millennia, media that comes on screens has operated on a very simple premise: they show you entertaining things like Three's Company for free, and in return, you sit there and watch the ads. Very simple. And guess who is now fucking up this wondrous model of passive infotainment? That's right: kids these days.

A new study found that kids in their 20s "switch media venues about 27 times per nonworking hour," which is another way of saying they can't god damn sit still and watch Three's Company without switching channels all the time and making John Ritter jokes on Twitter and stroking their iPads like fetish objects (penises). Older people only switch media 17 times per hour. What this all means is that thanks to the fidgetiness of kids these days, advertisers are going to be dreaming up ever more diabolical advertising methods, which can follow you wherever you go.

Other ideas include surrounding consumers with ads as they migrate from one venue to the next, as long as they're tuned to the same content. American Express, for example, might run a traditional print ad in a magazine, along with short pre-roll videos on the publication's mobile site or smartphone and tablet apps. Coca-Cola could air a regular TV spot in a specific TV show, coupled with banners and pre-rolls in an online stream of next week's highlights.

Kids these days are making advertisers work harder than ever to surround them at all times in a soothing haze of corporate marketing messages. I hope you're happy, kids these days. You are basically giving John Ritter's ghost "the finger."

[Ad Age. Photo: ilouque/ Flickr]