Stacy Knutson, a waitress at The Fryn' Pan restaurant in Moorhead, Minnesota, is exceptionally honest. When a customer left $12,000 in cash in a takeout container on one of Knutson's tables, she followed the customer out into the parking lot and tried to return it. The customer said, quote, "No, I am good, you keep it." Okay, so, what is the problem here?

The problem, as the Duluth News Tribune tells it, is that Knutson is so damn honest that she then turned the money over to the police, who took the money, and said they'd give it back to her in 90 days if nobody claimed it. And do you know what happened next? "Authorities said a police dog detected the odor of drugs on the bag of cash."

Well, Knutson filed herself a god damn lawsuit and guess what, now the police are giving her that $12,000 back, finally. She found it on a table. In a take out container. "You keep it," said the mysterious customer. So? It's a tip. Give it back. Give it back. GIVE IT BACK. GIVE IT TO HER. YOU STUPID COPS. GIVE HER THE MONEY.

Oh, they did. Well. Good.

The lesson is: Never be honest.

[Duluth News Tribune]