If you could somehow imprison a human female inside a Reddit AMA, this one with pick-up artist Neil Strauss would be my exact definition of Hell. At home in a sycophantic sea of female-phobic nerds, the Twitter-verified Strauss answers such hard-hitting questions as "Can we smell your finger?" His response:

Other highlights include the revelation that Neil Strauss did not "bang" Courtney Love because "she wasn't in the most 'bangable' condition at the time (mental condition)," and advice on "dating chicks who don't speak English." (Paper and a pencil, is his advice.)

Women of America: Happy Valentine's Day, your future is a never-ending nightmare of dodging guys like these at bars.

[Reddit, @NeilStrauss, Image by Maureen O'Connor and explicitly rejected by Gawker Art Director Jim Cooke, via Getty]