Oh my god, call your Aunt Claire, she's going to be so excited to hear that Johnny Depp and his elusive long-time heterosexual life partner, Vanessa Paradis, have split (probably). This is her chance to get with her dream actor! It's gonna happen.

No, Aunt Claire, it's really not. Johnny Depp doesn't care about you. But according to People he doesn't care much about Vanessa either. They say the couple of 14 years isn't living together and hasn't been on a red carpet together in a year. Maybe that's because Vanessa is sick of flash bulbs and all the Aunt Claires of the world screaming after her man.

What happened? I guess there was trouble in Paradis. Ha. Get it? But still it's sad to see a long-time Hollywood couple with two kids break up. Until Johnny starts dating someone new and wildly inappropriate. Oh, I'm so looking forward to that stage of the gossip cycle.

[Image via Getty]