But soft! What light through yonder White House window breaks? It is the Oval Office, and Brangelina is meeting with President Obama, New York Times photographer Doug Mills tweets. This rare alignment of stars can only mean one thing: Tense negotiations between the American government and NAFTA, the Notables Adopting Foreign Toddlers Association. For all the babies in the Mariana Islands, Brad Pitt will solve the recession by gazing deeply into its eyes and whispering something sexy.

(Brangelina is actually in town to screen Angelina's movie about the Bosnian war. The Jolie-Pitts met the Obamas once before, in post-Katrina New Orleans.)