Gather round, horny America: your daily scientific study with the word "sex" in it is here, for everyone to slobber over in a scientifically acceptable way. Riddle me this: who has hotter, sexxxier sex, do you think—hot sexxxy young women whose bodies are taut, tauter, and tautest; or old and wrinkly women?

The answer is old and wrinkly women. Having lots of sex, and loving it. Drop that science!

Although frequency of arousal, lubrication, and orgasm decreased with age, the youngest (<55 years) and oldest (>80 years) women reported a higher frequency of orgasm satisfaction. Emotional closeness during sex was associated with more frequent arousal, lubrication, and orgasm; estrogen therapy was not. Overall, two thirds of sexually active women were moderately or very satisfied with their sex life, as were almost half of sexually inactive women.

To translate that into porn language that people like you can understand: very old women who are like eighty god damn years old have the most satisfying sex lives, they just have sex even if they don't even feel like having sex but guess what, they still love it. What good is a taut body if you don't know how to use it correctly ladies? That is the question that, it must be admitted, science is posing to you, right now.

I guess you won't be talking that trash about my new girlfriend any more, Julie. Immature.

[American Journal of Medicine. Photo: AP]