Hark! Ye harbingers of consumer doom, the Kardashians, have released their 2011 Christmas card. Whereas last year's yuletide feat of airbrushed uncanny put viewers in a trance state, this year's card will make you go, "A-woooo-gah!" while pumping 3-D glasses back and forth in the airspace in front of your face. (Like so.) This year's KardashiKard comes three dimensions, you see. [Image via Kourtney Kardashian]

Kourtney's butt and boobs seem to be enjoying some added, ahem, dimensionality. Thankfully, Scott Disick's obvious dick took the day off. [Image via Kourtney Kardashian]

How billion-foot-tall Lamar Odom consistently finds pants that are two inches too long for him, I will never know. [Image via Kourtney Kardashian]

"Thanks, but I'd prefer to remove all semblance of dimension from my face. While you're at it, get rid of any remaining humanoid features." —Bruce Jenner [Image via Kourtney Kardashian]

These sacrificial lambs look readier than ever for fame-slaughter. [Image via Kourtney Kardashian]

"Fine. I did it. I posed in a 3-D. But fuck all those losers who just want to see my tits and ass popping off the page. My new look is androgybidextrous. Watch me button this suit all the way to my chin, suckas." [Image via Kourtney Kardashian]