There will be no more "dollar coins." Nobody wants them. The coins, we mean; their heft is too great for the threadbare, hole-studded pockets of the average American pant. But dollars themselves—sure, we'll take em. Got any? No.

A few dollars would come in handy, let's be honest. What does Santa have in his sack for you, the American adult? Perhaps some government subsidized child care? No, that's just as gone as the dollar coins are. The government that you call "Santa" has nothing for you any more. No money, no help. Nada. ("Nothing" en espanol.) Corporations have the upper hand now. You want something? Ask the company. Or whoever pays your salary. Most people say they still tip their servants at Christmastime. Perhaps master has an extra crust of bread, for your wretched children? The constant chimney sweeping has them coughing something terrible.

This, then, is your Santa Claus, America: anyone with a dollar left in his pocket. Oh, now you all support a "living wage," because you know that Santa Claus is listening? Sorry, too late for that. Living wages are paid in dollars, and those seem to be in short supply. Don't worry, though. There's always the Euro.

No there's not.

[Photo: Matthias Shapiro/ Flickr]