A Northwestern University student-tipster who's enrolled in the same American history class as Chet Haze—the rapping, acting, West Side (of Evanston)-dominating consequence of Tom Hanks' potent ejaculate—passed along this email that Haze sent across a listserv at 4 AM this morning:

What Up Everybody,

My names Chester Hanks, I'm a junior theater major, but some of you may know me better as "Chet Haze." Or maybe you dont, which would be embarrassing for me.....Anyway, if the sound of receiving this email on your phone woke you up at this hour, I sincerely apologize. Hopefully, there may be a few of you (like me) who for some reason just need to wait until literally the LAST MINUTE to get any work done—this final paper being no exception. I was wondering if anyone had notes from after November 1st to the end of the course on their computer that they would be willing to send my way. It would be much appreciated, and we could possibly work something out as a reward for the generosity. I'm really crossing my fingers on this one. Thanks! Happy studies.


Our tipster tells us that the paper is due this afternoon. Can someone please help poor procrastinating Chester-Chet Haze-Hanks (whose videos and live performances you are hopefully well-acquainted with, or he might blush!) finish his homework so that he can pass Fucksaw Development During the Industrial Revolution or whatever his class is officially called and move forward with his education? If you're willing to share your notes, you can try reaching him on his Twitter. You can also tweet him your notes one by one.

[Photo: Facebook]