Tell Us Your Thanksgiving Horror Stories
Just like the Macy's parade, horribly dry stuffing, and your aunt Joyce drunkenly yelling that she got bilked out of money after grandma died, our Thanksgiving Horror Story contest has become something of an annual tradition. So, please come and leave yours and let's all share the horror together.
Thanksgiving really has the most fodder for a competition such as this because not only are we dealing with the natural horror of having to share a day with family but there's also the added tortures of cooking a complicated meal, traveling with hoards of people amid the possibility of inclement weather, and then there's football. Don't get me started about football.
We want to hear about all those awful things. Let us know about your mother-in-laws petty tortures, your drunk niece puking on the table, the time your kitchen caught on fire from a flaming Butterball, and that year when you were trapped in a car with your farting grandma for six hours while you all drove upstate in a car with no heat. Yesterday's pain is today's triumph!
To make things a little bit better, we're going to ask you to leave your stories of holiday atrocities in the comments section below. The winner gets a case of Skyy vodka to help wash the pain away.
Here are the ground rules:
- Winners and honorable mentions from our last two contests are not eligible for resubmission. If you submitted a story before and it was not selected, you can submit it again but there's probably a reason it didn't win, so you might want to think about giving it some jazz hands. To see just how to craft a story, look at the past winners here and here.
- All entries must be in the comments section below this post. I love hearing from you guys, but do not email your stories. If you aren't a commenter, find out how to be one here. A note for new commenters: if you are not approved, you won't be able to see your comment until it is approved. Don't enter your comment in again and again, because when it is approved it will be repeated like a dozen times. Just hit "submit" once and you'll be fine. I promise. If you have any problems, email firstname.lastname@example.org.
- All stories should take place on or around Thanksgiving. Stories from this year are acceptable and encouraged. Stories from other holidays are ineligible, but will get their own contests soon.
- Stories are not only judged on the atrocity they contain, but the skill with which they're written. Be clever, funny, and descriptive, but most of all be concise. Since this is the hardest thing for you guys to manage, this year we're putting a word limit on the stories. All entries must be shorter than 467 words, which is the length of last year's winner. Anything longer will be disqualified from the running.
- Do not start your story with "This story isn't that bad..." or "I know I won't win...". Last year there were more than 1,000 entries and the judging panel, which consists of me and my drunk mother eating leftover apple pie, will just skip your story if it starts like that. If you tell us you shouldn't win, we're taking your word for it.
- All entries must be in by noon on Monday, November 28. We'll announce the winner on Monday afternoon.
- You must be 21 or older to participate. All standard contest rules apply.
OK, that all sounded like a lot of negativity, but seriously this is one of my favorite things that we do every year, and I'm really looking forward to seeing what you all come up with. Every year you shock, amuse, dismay, and depress me, and I can't wait for you to do it yet again.
Alright, get crackin' with those stories and I hope you all have an unsafe, awful Thanksgiving.