Lecherous bisexuality victim Ashton Kutcher reportedly attempted to win back the affections of his fair maiden Demi Moore by gifting her with a $100,000 Lexus just two days before International Demi Moore's Birthday Day, celebrated the world over on November 11.

One hundred thousand dollars represents more than just a car purchase—it symbolizes 100,000 reasons for Demi to stay with him, 100,000 apologies for all the condomless hot-tub sex cheating incidents, and 100,000 remorseful tears. And yet cruel Demi went ahead and announced that she's divorcing him anyway. It was a very nice hybrid car with excellent gas mileage! Maybe a custom-designed cargo van would have worked better.

If you see a scruffy-faced young man driving down whatever LA freeway in a Lexus covered with FourSquare bumper stickers, blasting Don Henley's "The Boys of Summer" and looking punished, wave your hand in sympathy.

[TMZ. Image via AP]