How many American butts had to develop "hard lumps, ripples, skin discolorations, and infections" before alleged, unauthorized butt enhancer Kimberly Smedley was arrested by federal agents last month? Perhaps we'll never know. But we'll definitely sleep more soundly knowing that America's butts are being protected from her silicone-stuffed syringes.

News reports say that Smedley, 45 (whoah, she looks about 28 tops), was arrested at a Marriott hotel in Washington, D.C. last month and charged with "distributing unapproved and/or misbranded devices in violation of federal law"—otherwise known as "using hardware store-grade silicone to create illegal, silicone-enhanced artisan 'J.Lo' butts." The arrest occurred six months after the federal Food and Drug Administration opened an investigation into Smedley's alleged practice, which had been in operation at least since 2008 and took her from her Atlanta home to various cities across the country.

The Smoking Gun dug up the court records related to Smedley's case and reports that the feds found incriminating texts in her cellphone as well as "'three 18 gauge medical needles' in one of her handbags." (Maybe they're her "good luck syringes.") They were tipped off to her alleged scheme by an exotic dancer who sought out Smedley's services and ended up in the hospital with pneumonia and silicone in her lungs. As part of their investigation, the feds discovered that Smedley is a brand loyalist, staying at Marriott hotels more than 100 times during a 16-month period.

If you purchased one of Smedley's holiday gift certificates for one of your puny-assed loved ones, you should probably consider that money forfeited.

[The Smoking Gun, WJLA]