You know who will never work at the Genius Bar? Or see his name anywhere near the word "genius" in his lifetime? Michael Alan Skopec. The 48-year-old from Bristol, Illinois, was arrested at 1 a.m. on Wednesday morning, for, according to the sheriff's office report, calling "911 on five occasions to report that his iPhone was not working."

When police arrived at his residence, he was intoxicated, and was arrested shortly after and charged with obstructing or resisting a peace officer.

If it makes him feel any better, I once called AppleCare to help me dislodge a morsel of Granny Smith that had gotten caught in my windpipe. It took 35 minutes and caused some mild brain damage, but Kevin finally talked me through a self-administered Heimlich fix that really ended up saving my life! [The Smoking Gun, Mugshot via Kendall County Sheriff's Dept.]