Madonna explains what she looks for in a lover. Cuba Gooding's gay makeout partner speaks. Mariah Carey doesn't feel pretty unless she can "feel my bones." Kim Kardashian's former publicist stabs in her the back. Thursday gossip tells all.

  • Madonna says her neverending parade of boytoy lovers are "more than just sexual, um, appendages":
  • Well, it can also be more than just sexual, um, appendages. I don't necessarily like to use the word lover because it sounds like they just come over and have sex with you. I aspire to more than that, and I need more than that. Respect for women and understanding that everything must be earned. Those are two big ones. Someone to share my inner life with. That's extremely important. It's also important that my children admire and respect this partner that I would choose for myself.

  • Vapid deejay aspirations also a plus. Must be open to elaborate bloodletting rituals to stymie aging process in host. [Bazaar, Celebitchy, image via Getty]
  • Mariah Carey on weight loss, while gesturing to collar bone: "It's important to me to feel my bones." [People]
  • Nicolas Cage spent $2000 on a steak knife with a handle made from mammoth ivory and engraved with a bald eagle. No wonder he's always broke. [TMZ]

Dakota Fanning's kid-porn evocative ad for Marc Jacobs perfume Oh, Lola! has been banned in the U.K. "The length of her dress, her leg and position of the perfume bottle drew attention to her sexuality. Because of that, along with her appearance, we considered the ad could be seen to sexualize a child." [People]

  • Kim Kardashian's former publicist Jonathan Jaxson—who once described himself as a "personal porn service" for Perez Hilton, exchanging sex tapes for links to his blog (talk about rock bottom)—went on talk radio and blabbed about helping Kim stoke Reggie Bush engagement rumors in 2007, with the ring she would eventually recycle and use with Kris Humphries:
  • It was December 26, 2007, I remember the day. She was going to go shopping with her grandmother and her mom. And we said, hey let's do something about getting more press for you. And she said, perfect, let me go to a ring store and act as if I'm walking out and Reggie Bush is proposing to me. And I said Brilliant! Let's do that! …She actually already had the ring, because I was telling her 'Well, you need to get a ring, you need to buy one,' and she said, 'No, what I'll do is, I'll go there and buy something, and come out with the bag, and I'll have a ring that I love and adore, 7 carats, and I'll have it in my purse.' And I said, 'Put it on before you walk out, put it on your right hand, and then the photogs that I staged will sit there and snap photos.'"

  • I actually find the fact that he uses the word "photogs" in casual conversation more disturbing than the publicity stunt he's describing. As for Reggie, he was "totally unaware" of Kim's antics, which was ultimately "the downfall" of their relationship, the former provider of Perez Hilton wank material explains. Jaxson also notes that Kim totally banged Kanye West during the filming of Kourtney and Kim Take New York. The interview is 28 minutes long, which is way too long for me, mostly because I can't get the horrible image of Perez Hilton masturbating out of my head, particularly after stumbling across these transcripts of their cybersex sessions, which I only discovered after Jonathan obliquely referenced them in the interview. Is this the future of entertainment? Are we all going to Hell? Yes to both. [Elvis Duran Morning Show]
  • Speaking of Kim Kardashian, Kris Humphries' father William Humphries thinks she's a jerk. Kim "blindsided Kris. How could someone do that? Kris was completely surprised. The news was already published before he found out…. They did speak briefly the day the split was announced, but only because Kim was apparently pissed that Kris had released his own statement." [Life & Style]
  • Wait, one more Jonathan Jaxson rumor: He claims he had a gay makeout session with Cuba Gooding, Jr.. "He was a little sloppy, but he was drunk." [EDMS]
  • What makes Rosie Huntington-Whiteley "feel like a woman"? $700 Christian Louboutin heels. "If you can save up for a pair, put away a dollar a week. It's worth it, girls. It is really worth it!" (This saving plan would take 14 years.) Assuming you don't step in dog poo the first time you wear them in public. [Pop Tarts]
  • Freida Pinto on using a butt double in Immortals: "I'm relieved I don't have to deal with that issue." [Us]
  • Announcement: Today is the last day I will ever link to a celebrity baby debut picture, unless the baby has three heads or belongs to Brangelina. Tori Spelling, you get grandfathered in under the old system, but future fecund D-listers, consider yourself warned. No more baby debuts! The pictures are boring, the interviews are boring, and newborn infants are too young to make fun of. [Us]