Pity the little boy-child of Peterborough United player Gabriel Zakuani, who will have to go through life as "Trendy." Or at least the part of his life leading up to the day when he legally changes his name to something less humiliating—i.e., almost anything else.

According to UPI, Trendy's tragic name derived inspiration from two sources: Mom Shanice Petrie's work in fashion (somewhat acceptable, though narcissistic) and soccer-playing Papa Zakuani's love for the Twitter (completely unacceptable). "The official reason was [Petrie] wanted something to reflect [her work]," Zakuani explains. "But it was me who came up with Trendy ...People have asked if his name is because of 'trending topics' on Twitter. Maybe it was in the back of my mind."

Zakuani is optimistic that the name eventually will "grow on everybody." If by "everybody" he means "bullies," he's correct. People are already making fun of Baby Trendy's name, as Papa Z himself admits. One newspaper has even referred to the baby as a "twit"— short for Twitter, but how much of a difference will that make when he's on the schoolyard six or so years from now and his classmates are calling him that name (which they most likely will, because kids are cruel and terrible)?

Please someone make Zakuani and Petrie promise not to pick any more Twitter-inspired names if they eventually decide to bless Trendy with siblings. They cannot name their next baby Hashtag.

[UPI. Image via Getty]