Two of America's straightest men had a nice hang the other day. Also today: Leo cozies up to even more models, Bree Olson quits the game, Prince Harry eats a burger, and Melanie Griffith eats a hotdog.

  • Hahaha. Celebrated heterosexuals Joe Jonas and Chace Crawford were seen eagerly chatting it up at a Calvin Klein perfume party in New York over the weekend. Apparently Chace, rippling paragon of virility, gushed about loving New York ("So many fabulous cafes!") and then later Jonas was seen talking to a (female) model/singer about "music and fashion." All the while, I'd imagine, furtively checking his phone and reading the text messages sent to him from across the bar, Chace putting on his coat and sauntering out after typing his address and "15 mins." Just two dudes out on the town, dudeing it up! [People]
  • Celebrated adult Leonardo DiCaprio is Down Under (that's "Australia" in hackanese) filming his new movie The Great Gatsby and is said to be enjoying the company of not one but two Australian models. One is an Australia's Next Top Model winner (classy) and the other is some 20-year-old (terrific) who was told "she can visit any time she likes as long as she keeps it low-key." Aw that's nice. So what does Leo do, exactly? Check into his hotel room and open up that black hotel guide book they always have and flip to a special "Area Models" section that they put in for him and make a couple phone calls? It's sort of hilarious, his constant and near exclusive dating of models. He's got to have had so many conversations about cocaine and salad at this point. Just so many of those dull conversations, nodding his head and staring at the bed and wondering if the juice is worth the squeeze. Then of course realizing that yes, oh absolutely it is. [P6]
  • OMG another hotdog story! Just this weekend Melanie Griffith, retired working girl, was seen at the Upper East Side establishment Serendipity 3 buying hotdogs. "Foot-long" hotdogs, even. Mmhm. She called in a takeout order and then came in on her very own to pick up the hotdogs and everyone was like "Melanie Griffith is having hotdogs for dinner," and then she also bought the restaurant's brand of perfume (of course) and everyone was like "Melanie Griffith is buying hotdogs AND perfume at the same time," and they all wondered why they'd never thought to be that brilliant. The glamorous life of a celebrity, just buying all the foot-long hotdogs and perfume you want, whenever you please, and then having a newspaper write a whole item about you buying the hotdogs. And perfume. Must be nice. [P6]
  • When Rosie O'Donnell saw her current girlfriend, 40-year-old lesbian Michelle Rounds, in a Starbucks, she thought she was "a 28-year-old heterosexual girl. Which is funny because the other night Joe Jonas thought the same exact thing the other night. BOOM. [People]
  • Mysteriously aging vampire David Boreanaz says that sleeping with professional celebrity boffer Rachel Uchitel basically helped his marriage (to a gal he met at a Playboy Mansion party ten years ago). It was ultimately "a bonding experience" and that the couple is working through it, as Boreanaz claims he is a "lover" and a "fighter." And someone who trades on his fame for a show called The Bones to sleep with the likes of Rachel Uchitel, Meanwhile, Spike is happy in some heaven dimension (spoiler alert) and Riley is still sitting somewhere sulking because god he's such a dweeb and he knows it. [Us]
  • Actress Courtney Thorne-Smith uses Botox and she doesn't care who knows it: "I've used it, I like it, it works well for me. That's just the simple truth." Interesting. Mostly because that's the kind of frank, non-apologetic language people with which people spoke about According to Jim. "I've watched it, I like it, it works well for me. That's just the simple truth." Anyway, Botox. Who cares. And really you'd never know to look at her. [People]
  • Bree Olson, former Charlie Sheen goddess and porn star, says that she has quit the pornography business and is taking acting classes so she can enter the "mainstream" and play a comedian's wife on a sitcom or something. Which, good for her. Whatever works. Stay in porn, don't stay in porn. It's all fine. The important thing is that she's out of Charlie Sheen's house, a place where all the fruit turns brown too quickly and there's always a strange banging coming from the basement and the swimming pool sometimes bubbles with heat and there are no clocks and the dogs all walk backwards. It's a bad place to be, and porn star or not, it's good she's out of there. [TMZ]
  • More news about what Prince Harry, high protector and ambassador of British sexuality, is eating and drinking while in California. He apparently went to a place called McP's and sat outside and had a burger and a beer. Two customers were having their wedding rehearsal dinner there and asked him for a photo and he politely declined but did take a picture of them with his security guard. The groom-to-be apparently tweeted about meeting Harry and then E! had this to say "Hope the honeymoon can compete with the rehearsal dinner!" Wait, what? Let's hope the groom has a better time having sex with his new wife somewhere nice, but he probably won't because he did, after all, meet Prince Harry at a restaurant in San Diego during his rehearsal dinner. I just do not get the honeymoon part. Why not "Hope the actual wedding can compete with the rehearsal dinner!"? That makes a little more sense. But "honeymoon" is so winky-winky and sex-related, almost always, that it's just a really bizarre thing to say. Was it about the wife? Or the husband? 'Cause the article is about the husband tweeting, not the wife. Is the husband going to spend his whole honeymoon thinking about Prince Harry and not washing the hand he shook Harry's with? I mean, I wouldn't blame him, but man you just married a lady and you're at the Marriott Waikiki or whatever and it's time to get down to business. Stop humming "God Save the Queen" to yourself and go do your American duty. I mean for heaven's sake. Really. [E!]

[Photos via Getty]