'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' Is Officially, Definitely, For Real Over Tomorrow
Yes, homosexuals, you can openly serve in your nation's military starting tomorrow. There's even a letter on officially Army stationery and everything. That seems so fancy and...well, gay!
But Obama has been promising the country this was coming for awhile and then he hemmed and hawed about it and there was all this bureaucratic nonsense and it seemed like it was never going to happen. Well, here it is, gays. Put down your military-themed pornography and rush down to the recruiting office. That's what it's going to be like. It's going to be like (NSFW) Grunts except with real Army guys, and you can just sit in your bunk and talk about how gay you are and no one is going to care. Then you teach all the other recruits about how fun poppers are and you all sit up huffing Rush and giggling into the middle of the night and it's just going to be great and amazing and you'll be surrounded by buff young men in their underwear and it will all be great.
Then you will get shipped off to Afghanistan and your big gay coming out party is going to be over while you cower in a dune somewhere. That's what freedom looks like, buddy.