Brad Pitt laments the years he spent sitting around getting high with Jen. Lindsay Lohan throws a drink at a photographer. A tween star dresses his penis up like an elephant. Anna Faris: "I hope somebody roofies me tonight!" TGIFriday gossip.

  • Brad Pitt discussed being a "satisfied man" with Parade, and after waxing poetic about the wonders of Angelina ("One of the greatest, smartest things I ever did was give my kids Angie as their mom… Oh, man, I'm so happy to have her") he admitted to existential unhappiness during his marriage to Jennifer Aniston, which turned him into a couch potato pothead:
  • I spent the ‘90s trying to hide out, trying to duck the full celebrity cacophony. I started to get sick of myself sitting on a couch, holding a joint, hiding out. It started feeling pathetic. It became very clear to me that I was intent on trying to find a movie about an interesting life, but I wasn't living an interesting life myself. I think that my marriage [to actress Jennifer Aniston] had something to do with it. Trying to pretend the marriage was something that it wasn't.

  • Brad is already walking back the Aniston couch potato thing, though: "The point I was trying to make is not that Jen was dull, but that I was becoming dull to myself—and that, I am responsible for." Too bad. It'd be nice if whenever you find yourself in a couch potato funk, you could whisper the name "Angelina" three times in front of a mirror, and a superhero sex bomb would appear out of nowhere, and rescue you from your pathetic stoner life, and your pathetic stoner wife, and make you happy forever. [Parade, CNN, images via Getty]
  • January Jones's womb full of secrets became a real, live baby boy on Tuesday, named Xander Dane Jones. [Us]
  • Lindsay Lohan threw a drink at a photographer at Fashion Week party. Moments later, a lady fell down the stairs, landing next to LiLo's table, shattering glass and cutting herself: "There was so much blood spurting, it was like a horror movie. The party was packed and blood was spurting onto people's clothes." Just another boring night in the life of Lindsay Lohan. [P6]
  • Ian Somerhalder had a naked Vampire Diaries scene with Nina Dobrev, so he went to the prop master to "have them make some elephant ears… what if I was completely naked and we had elephant ears and double-stick tape, and I put them on each of my thighs, and ultimately, she would be staring at a very small, young elephant. The reaction that we got was fucking amazing." Apparently the scene in question requires his character to "surprise" hers. Anyway, over/under that photos of this stunt exist on a cellphone somewhere, and will ignite a scandal in the near future? [EW]

24-year-old Glee star Heather Morris got boob implants "when I was younger" (How much surgically viable "younger" is there when you're 24?) but then had them removed. "It was hard being active with them, because my chest was always sore." [DailyMail]

  • Kat Von D gave Lady Gaga a tattoo before she was famous, back when she was doing bit singing gigs for New Kids on the Block, which makes it sound like this happened a long time ago, but actually it was during NKOTB's 2008 reunion crap. [Radar]
  • Nas was throwing a party in the Meatpacking District, and across the street there was a foursome happening in clear view in an open window at the Gansevoort Hotel. One guy, three girls. Everyone at Nas' party lined up and watched. [P6]
  • Amanda Seyfried's new boyfriend is "New York real estate executive Andrew Joblon," who is on the board of one of Donald Trump's sons' charities. [People]
  • Does Jay-Z have a secret 9-year-old son with "video vixen" Shenelle Scott? Jay-Z says no, but some guy who demanded a paternity test on the kid says it's true, and that the mom got $1 million to hush it up. [NYDN]
  • The 21-year-old son of The Bold and the Beautiful star Katherine Kelly Lang is a gay porn star. Whose acting is stiffer? [Radar]
  • True Blood's Joe Mangeniello reportedly broke up with model-actress fiance Audra Marie after 11 months of engagement. [Us]
  • Gerard Butler had a public make-out session with model turned reality host Nicole Trunfio. Gerard, your overcompensation is showing. [P6]
  • Anna Faris's career took off when her actor husband's career was stalling, and it "kind of destroyed my marriage. The divide became too great." So she divorced him, got a boob job, and went wild. "I was like, 'Fuck it, I've got nothing to lose, nobody to support.' I wore the same Garfield shirt and jeans for three weeks. I had a running joke with my friend: 'I hope somebody roofies me tonight!' I didn't care what people thought." [MarieClaire]
  • Turns out cuckolded fameball Tareq Salahi actually filmed wife Michaele kissing the Journey guitarist she left him for. It was a cheek kiss at a party, and occurred "deep into their secret affair," unbeknownst to Tareq. (Supposedly.) The Salahis are reportedly divorcing. [TMZ, TMZ]