You'd think a professional chef who is also a cannibal would be into some ambitious human meat food, right? Nope! A 21-year-old Russian cook and (now-jailed) cannibal settled for some boring old meatballs and sausages.

According to RIA Novosti, the guy found his victim on a "gay website" (his opening line was, we hope, "looking to eat your meatballs and sausage"), and then stabbed him to death before butchering him and preparing the dishes. While we would have liked to see something experimental—sous-vide people flesh, say—sausages and meatballs are certainly more versatile. And, before the stupid police got involved, you could have made them yourself at home!

If that weren't wicked enough, the 21-year-old cannibal, a chef in the Arctic city of Murmansk, made sick videos of himself turning his victim's flesh into meals and then posted them online, the Daily Mail reported.

Let's get this guy a Food Network show! You could call it "The Contessa's Bare Feet"!

[NYDN; stock image via]