Yay, There's a New Air Guitar World Champion
Behold, we have a new Air Guitar World Champion! Aline "The Devil's Niece" Westphal from Germany took this year's title in a hotly contested battle free of any talent whatsoever in Oulu, Finland. Yes, I understand it's about being wacky and all that, but is hosting a World Championship for 16 years in a row really necessary? Finland hosts all kinds of crazy things, like the Sauna World Championships, which I fully support because that takes endurance, stupidity and you might even die on your path to victory. But air guitar? Give me a break.
Anyway, let's get the details on how it all went down:
Fierce-looking winner made both the audience and the prestigious jury to feed off her hand with her seductively energetic performance to Foo Fighter's Pretender. Devil's Niece secured her victory on the Compulsory Song Round with scoring even with the 1st runner-up, American Viking Justin "Nordic Thunder" Howard of the United States. The third place, Veronica "Like Ever Gin" Mullerova of the Czech Republic.
Wow, sounds amazing. And by the way, doesn't "Nordic Thunder" sound like a nazi skinhead band?
But there is actually a point to all of this, according to the organizers:
The objective of the Air Guitar Championships in to promote world peace – according to Air Guitar ideology, wars will end, climate change stops and all bad things disappear if all the people in the world play the Air Guitar.
I rest my case.