A team of U.S. archeologists believe they've found parts of the long-lost pirate ship of Captain Henry Morgan—that's Admiral Sir Henry Morgan to you, scallawag—down in Panama, which is where I, for one, suspected it was located all along.
Included among the wreckage was part of the hull of one of Morgan's wooden ships, some boxes and chests, some barnacles, and copies of 18,000 academic journal articles... Oh, wait, sorry, no articles—that was a different pirate. Anyway, the boat and boxes and junk all date back to the 17th century, when Morgan was privateering for England and trying to take over parts of Panama on her behalf.
So what's inside those boxes, do you think? For marketing synergy reasons, the rum company Captain Morgan USA hopes there's some kinda liquor in them. Captain Morgan's opinion matters because when the archeologists' funding ran out, the company gave 'em a few bucks to finish their work. And where were these researchers from, that they couldn't obtain sufficient funds to finish their exciting project? Texas State University. Why didn't they just ask their governor to pray for money to fall from the sky? It doesn't add up.
FWIW, I hope the chests don't contain any rum at all, just gold doubloons. Old-fashioned that way.