Now, you can make all the assumptions you want about 22-year-old pizza restaurant employees who are big fans of Hello Kitty, but it doesn't make them true! Except in the case of Erik Epperson, who allegedly had sex with several underage girls.

Epperson, according to the police report published by The Smoking Gun, was arrested by the feds for traveling from Indiana to California in order to have sex with a 14-year-old girl whom he met on Facebook. After being busted, Epperson admitted to a number of things, including:

  • Having sex with ten other underage girls
  • "Record[ing] himself having sexual intercourse" with three of those girls
  • Taking "a picture of [one of the girl's] nude vagina because it looked nice"
  • "Sen[ding] nude pictures of his penis to several girls"
  • "Lov[ing] cute things, especially anything that was ‘Hello Kitty' brand items"
  • "[Wearing] feminine clothing (including Hello Kitty brand clothing) to get a reaction out of people"
  • Trying to join the Navy so "so that he could travel to Japan and see the world"

I dunno! This guy sounds like a winner. Maybe we should just let him join the Navy!