Laura Fotusky, clerk of rural Barker, N.Y., quit her post on Tuesday rather than grant marriage licenses to gay folks. She would probably had more fun staying and being really judge-y with the marrying gays, but, well, God hates gay marriage! (She's posted her resignation letter here, if you really care.) Gay couples in the region are better off driving the hour to Niagra Falls anyway and going the whole nine yards with the honeymoon suite and everything. In any event—Laura—really—we mean this—don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. [Politico; image, not of Barker, and not of Fotusky, via Shutterstock]