Fatty Foods Get You High
Fatty foods, new research indicates, have affect your brain in a similar way to marijuana, activating brain chemcials called endocannabinoids that "produce a drug-like feeling." This feeling—like marijuana!—then encourages you to eat more fatty foods, of course.
Scientists apparently hope to use this discovery to make drugs that could help prevent people from overeating. This is why science is stupid. Cool scientists would use their knowledge of endocannabinoids to amplify the effect of fatty foods on the brain, and create french fries that get you as high as quality marijuana. Hamburgers that makes television funnier! Ice cream that makes jam bands tolerable! The possibilities are endless!
(Apparently another way to activate endocannabinoids is to engage in "50 minutes of vigorous running on a treadmill or riding a stationary bike." Which, ha, okay Jack LaLanne, that's definitely how I want to get high.)