Sens. Charles Schumer (D-N.Y.) and Joe Manchin (D-W.Va.) are asking the Drug Enforcement Administration and the Department of Justice to "do something" about Silk Road, the go-to website for illegal drug-takers who appreciate convenience. They don't like the site's user interface.

Ha ha, just kidding! No, they don't like Silk Road, period, because it helps people buy cocaine and heroin and things in secret. Calling the website "brazen" (Schumer) and "audacious" (Manchin), the senators want the DEA and DOJ to shut it down and investigate it, because it's "flooding our streets" with drugs. Did you nearly drown in a river of cocaine on your way to get the Sunday paper this morning? That was probably Silk Road cocaine, purchased with "bitcoins"—which Schumer doesn't like, either, because they're like an "online form of money laundering."

What happens if Silk Road gets shut down? Well, you'll just have to interface with drug dealers the old fashioned way—in person, with regular paper money or pennies. Tip: try to find a mild-mannered one who doesn't own any weapons.