After 40 years of painstaking labor, Pentagon researchers have finally combed through the 7,000-page Top Secret Pentagon Papers to ensure that none of the information contained therein—almost all of which has been public for as long as Marco Rubio has been alive—will harm the national security if released. Guess what? It won't! Except for 11 words. If they get out, we could lose the Vietnam War.

The National Archives will publish what it calls "the Real Pentagon Papers"—an officially declassified version—next month. So look out, Beacon Press, which published the unredacted Pentagon Papers in full in 1971 and again in 2006, you've got some competition. Also look out web site of Mount Holyoke College's international relations program, which has hosted the full version of the papers since at least 1999. Of course, the National Archives version, despite coming somewhat late to the Vietnam War-era Pentagon document publishing game, does have a distinct competitive advantage: It's not a crime to own or read it.

One downside of the official release, though, is that some of it remains secret, according to the National Archives' National Declassification Center blog: "It is true that 11 words are redacted from one page of a 7,000 page report."

Guesses? LOL it was all about Pentagon $$$ and they'll never know! Or maybe Shhhhh....Agent Orange is People!!! But plz keep it to yourself.

It doesn't really matter, though, because we'll all find out as soon as the National Archives publishes its version and someone goes back and checks it against previously published versions to see which words were redacted. Geniuses, those military censors.

[Photo via Getty Images]