If you were rich and famous and had a movie to promote, you would be in the south of France right now basking in the sun and strolling down the red carpet in a couture creation. But you're not. You're reading this on the internet somewhere. Because we're jealous, let's all make fun of the stars who are there, shall we?

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Jodie Foster is wondering where the hell Mel Gibson is at the press conference for The Beaver. [Image via Getty]

Hard-partying DJ Michelle Rodriguez will not play "Firework" for you. [Image via Getty]

You know Melancholia costars Charlotte Gainsbourg and Kirsten Dunst secretly hate each other. [Image via Getty]

Someone put Peter Fonda in a chair on the beach and told him to "wait right there" way back in '79. He's still just waiting. [Image via Getty]

We have no idea what de Grisogono or why they're having a dinner, but it sure looks like my kinda crowd. [Image via Getty]

Yes, Leonardo DiCaprio dumped this so he could date Blake Lively. Poor Bar Refaeli. [Image via Getty]

Someone just told a Jew joke. [Image via Getty]

This is George Clooney's girlfriend on a yacht. Yeah, just go kill yourself now. [Image via Bauer-Griffin]

I have no idea who this Tiziana Rocca character is, but she will be my new best friend. [Image via Getty]

Yes, there was an actual event called "China Night." Somehow it wasn't racist. [Image via Getty]

Wendi Deng Murdoch and another actual Chinese person went to China Night to prove it wasn't racist. [Image via Getty]

"Look, Mel. Your old face!"[Image via Getty]

Zoe Saldana really wants the role of Hawkwoman in the Justice League of America remake. [Image via Pacific Coast News]

The photographer repellent Naomi Campbell's billionaire boyfriend invented seems to be working. [Image via Getty]