The rape trial of NYPD officer Kenneth Moreno, accused of raping a drunk East Village woman in her apartment while he was supposed to be, whattayacallit, protecting and serving, is, at the very least, the source of America's greatest storytelling.

In order to not be convicted of rape, Moreno has to come up with some convincing story that explains why he and his partner returned to this severely drunk woman's apartment four times over the course of a single evening. It was because he wanted to counsel her about her drinking, he's said! She was practically in love with him! But if she was so drunk they needed to keep checking on her, why didn't they just call an ambulance for her?

Yesterday, Moreno explained why: because once in the past he had to wait 20 minutes for an ambulance to come, and a guy he was trying to resuscitate died. Sad. After that experience, you can see why he would rather snuggle in bed and sing "Living on a Prayer" to a vomiting drunk lady, rather than call an ambulance, which might force her to wait up to a third of an hour.

Only thing is, the paramedic in question testified yesterday that he arrived at the scene only ten minutes after Moreno did—and his time of arrival was "recorded by a computer in their ambulance."

Don't try to blame the paramedics, Moreno. We all know why this really happened: because you're just too damn sexy for your own good. Especially in uniform! What vomiting drunk woman could resist?