Three hipness reporters from the hipness desk of hipness arbiter The Washington Post drop an investigative bombshell today: while politicians were politicking, and lobbyists were lobbying, and tourists were touristing, and go-goers were go-going, something sinister was happening in Washington. It was becoming young—and hip.

The story is doubtless sending shock waves from Annapolis to Arlington as we speak. Few in The District suspected that hip, young people had infiltrated their area to such an extent that the entire region might be afflicted with a "Young, hip vibe." It started as just a smattering of twentysomethings moving in across town, then down the street, then next door. All of a sudden, stodgy old DC woke up one day and was unable to avoid the fact staring it right in the face: hipness wasn't just paying a visit. It was there to stay.

The 20-34 year-old demographic in DC is exploding. Drawn by a proliferation of hip totems like yoga studios and Caucasians, previously unexplored portions of DC are experiencing a hipness outbreak that's overwhelming authorities. The city's foremost hipness experts say that this could be, in the parlance of the subculture, the "real deal."

William H. Frey, a demographer with the Brookings Institution, said the District is following the same pattern seen in Boston and other places considered to be "cool cities."

Oh... oh god. It's in Boston too, is it? I mean, I guess I'd mentally prepared myself somewhat for it in DC, but... and Brookings confirms this, do they? My, my. But even at Fenway Park? Oh.. Jesus. God.

They're everywhere.

[WaPo; photo via Sexy Fitsum/ Flickr]