Despite the food industry's previously stated commitment to developing healthier Pop Tarts, government bureaucrats have decided to infringe the fundamental right of good American food-sellers to market corn syrup-soaked processed corn nuggets to children, using fun cartoon characters.

Is this Russia? Am I in Russia? Oh, for a moment I thought this was godless cartoon-hating Red Russia.

The new government guidelines for marketing food to kids are "voluntary," in the sense of "Michelle Obama will be very pissed if you don't comply." The government wants all food marketed to kids to have less sodium, less sugar, and to "provide a meaningful contribution' to a healthful diet." Did anyone bother to think through the disastrous consequences?

"If companies were to comply with these proposals, the restrictions are sufficiently onerous that they would basically block a substantial amount of advertising," Dan Jaffe, exec VP-government relations for the Association of National Advertisers, told Ad Age.

These new rules could curtail advertising, the heart of the American dream! Saturday mornings with no Ronald McDonald, or Count Chocula, or Toucan Sam and his 2-methylnaphthalene Loops? Who will our children look up to now?

It doesn't even make sense. Kids love junk food.

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