When you think "Texas universities," you think "places that are far, far too gay-friendly." And while the Texas legislature was unable to give college kids the right to carry guns on campus, it will be damned if it doesn't deal with this homos-in-college issue.

The hero Texas House of Representatives has (overwhelmingly!) passed a bill mandating that any public university in the state that has a center for non-hetero students also has to give equal funding to a center for "traditional values" (beer, barbecue, date rape, cow-fucking). Texas Republicans are saving morality—and having fun while doing it!

Representative Wayne Christian, a Republican, proposed the amendment, which would apply to any public colleges with a center "for students focused on gay, lesbian, homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, transsexual, transgender, gender questioning, or other gender identity issues." According to The Dallas Morning News, lawmakers "cracked jokes and guffawed" during debate, with one representative asking Christian what "pansexual" means. Christian urged the lawmaker to visit the centers at the University of Texas at Austin and Texas A&M University to find out.

Wha doan chew go awn down to the pan-sexual center and take a lil look-see, Fred? Haw haw. It's about time that Texas lawmakers made the University of Texas safe for heterosexuals once again. This bill is expected to become law, in real life, in Texas.

[Inside Higher Ed. Photo: AP]