Convicted Ponzi schemer Bernie Madoff has a lot of time to kill in jail. So what does he do? Well, for one thing, give jailhouse interviews—such as this most recent one to the Financial Times—where he can rail about the banks he believes (more or less accurately, in our estimation) were complicit in his scheme. But also: Keep up with his mail (of which he gets "lots," all from "well-wishers"); work at the prison commissary ("10 a.m. to 7 p.m., four days a week"); and, apparently, work on "ethics courses," for which he's been solicited by "several business schools," including Harvard and Northwestern. Oh, and also, read:

"I spend most of my time in my room, reading," he adds. "And – this is my secret – Danielle Steel." We all laugh. "Yes, Danielle Steel."

Sure, Bern, whatever will make you seem the most human!