Tim Pawlenty: The Try-Hard Candidate
You know The Guy Who Tries Too Hard? The guy who talks too loud about how hot his girlfriend is and how good at fighting he is? That Guy is running for president. His name is Tim Pawlenty.
Pawlenty, a bland former Minnesota governor, wants to be the next white president of the United States. And he is trying really hard to do so, which means he's mostly just coming across as existentially embarrassing. Listen to him:
- Try really hard to be cool:"If this was a Lady Gaga song, the relationship between the youth vote and Barack Obama would be 'Bad Romance'... We may not in this room have tiger blood like [Charlie Sheen] does, but we've got something else in common with him. There's going to be a lot of winning on the Republican side in 2012."
- Try really hard to be tough: "The just-out-of-office Minnesota governor confesses a love in his new book for 'watching two guys, gloves down, helmets off, pounding each other while the ref stands back and lets it happen.'"
- Try really hard to be manly: "I'm very thankful for my red-hot smoking wife, the first lady of Minnesota," said Gov. Tim Pawlenty, pointing to his wife, Mary, who was standing a few feet away.
- Try really hard to be southern: "Many people thought they heard him using a southern accent... Asked about it after a speech last weekend in New Hampshire, Pawlenty said he sometimes doesn't use 'the exact king's English.'" (Thanks greensleaves1!)
- Try really hard to be presidential:
Don't get us wrong! Almost all presidential candidates are Try-Hard candidates, because Try-Hardism is the opposite of cool, and cool people don't run for president. But Pawlenty is trying too hard on a whole other level. He's like a combination of your bible camp counselor and Steve Carrel's character in The 40-Year-Old Virgin trying to convince to his coworkers that he's had sex. He is trying so hard you feel sort of bad for him! Except that you can't listen to him without actually dying of embarrassment.