Like a haggard mother willing to sacrifice all her once-cherished notions of "responsible" parenting just to momentarily silence the ceaseless wails of her wayward toddler, the Daily Beast is now allowing Meghan McCain to write "comedy" pieces.

She knows about comedy because, uh, a little show called SNL doesn't just pick anyone, to be an intern, for it, when they were in college? Okay? Let's start the madness!

SCENE: It's the 2012 presidential debates and—get this—Sarah Palin is the Republican candidate and—get this—the Democrat candidate is none other than Charlie Sheen! "Winning," idea right? I know! The things they say are just made up by Meghan McCain but you'd swear they were from real life.

Charlie Sheen: I didn't quit anything, you clearly have no idea what you are talking about. I elected to win. And if elected president that is what I will continue to do. Winning is my life, Rachel. WINNING! WINNING! [He takes a drag from his cigarette and winks at Maddow in a suggestive way.]

Haha, he says WINNING! Next, look at how Meghan uses a fictional question about gay marriage to segue into a pop culture joke full of timeliness:

Sarah: I do not agree with my opponent on this issue. I think marriage is between a man and a woman. And if two men lived with each other and had a child-

Charlie: It would be just like my hit TV series.

That combination of political savvy and pop-culture know-how—along with a dash of sassiness—is what makes Meghan McCain one of the dumbest writers of our generation. What will she come up with next?

Rachel: Sarah, this question is for you. How do you respond to critics who say you are too polarizing for the Republican Party and you could possibly be forfeiting the presidency to actor Charlie Sheen? Political blogger and your former running mate's daughter Meghan McCain has been one of your most vocal critics.

Sarah: Meghan McCain is nothing more than an irrelevant RINO blogger, everybody knows that.

Think Meghan McCain isn't important? There was a question about her in the presidential debate. Oh, right, this is fictional. I forget sometimes!

Then Charlie Sheen says "winning" a dozen more times and Meghan McCain hates Sarah Palin, the end. If I was asked to describe this comedy in eight words I would say "Winning Tiger Blood Twitter Sex Republican Suicide-Inducing," and then the eighth word would be a picture of Tina Brown hurling herself off a tall building.

[TDB, photo via AP]