With federal authorities cracking down on predatory debit cards and overdraft fees, consumer banks are "scrambling" to find new sources for revenue. The solution: $5 ATM fees, which allows them to rob non-customers, instead. Quoth the Wall Street Journal,

J.P. Morgan's Chase retail division, for example, is going after noncustomers who withdraw money from the bank's ATMs, according to people familiar with the matter. Chase executives have grumbled about customers of rival banks using the company's machines even though it charges them $3, which is standard in the banking industry. Chase is now testing fees of $5 and $4 in Illinois and Texas, respectively, for noncustomer withdrawals.

Fuck that. $5 is too much for an ATM fee. All this does is encourage us to bank with whichever bank is closest to our houses, instead of whatever we're actually supposed to care about. I should know—proximity is how I chose my bank! And I have been told so many times that was not a good way to make that decision! To which I respond: It also had a pretty lobby.

In summary: ATMs are overpriced moneysucks that leave you vulnerable to robbery, hackers, identity theft, and as many germs as the interior of a toilet. Maybe we should just scrap this whole "money" idea and go back to bartering. [WSJ via Gothamist, stock photo via Shutterstock]